Frank A. Weil: The Secret of Staying Married

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A recent conversation about two friends who were enjoying a super second marriage with a bevy of nice kids and grands led to a bit of speculation about later marriage, divorce and why long marriages are going the way of dinosaurs.

The first point made was that second marriages often fail for the same reason that the first one failed, meaning the spouse (and this, of course, works both ways) marries again more or less the same person he/she married the first time. And although hope trumps experience in affairs of the heart, it's hardly surprising that these "do-over" marriages (and "double do-overs!") beget the same problems that doomed the original.

Then the conversation turned to what had enabled the two people talking to have between them 122 years of marriage. It was noted that in some cultures it had been acceptable and customary to actually have three marriages for the three basic stages in married life.

Stage one is romantic -- perhaps mainly driven by sex.

Stage two is purposeful -- focused on creating and raising promising human beings.

Stage three is practical -- focused on common interests and simple friendship.

Of course, not all male/female married couples have children. And, there also obviously is a quite wide spectrum of intensity and lasting importance of the sex element. And, many marriages have survived despite a near dearth of common interests and pure friendship but most marriages need that to get through the first two stages.

We agreed that if a marriage begins in shared interests and friendship, as well as those other desirable elements, it has a much better chance of lasting through all three stages. Aside from well-known marriages of convenience and necessity, little information is available to indicate what factors drive the decision to marry in the first place.

In today's world many more marriages begin a lot later than in the era of the two in the conversation. That suggests that more marriages may be prompted by the priorities of the second stage, when children enter the picture (and hopefully after the two people have discovered both common interests and pure friendship). People of a certain age would cite the "looser mores" of contemporary society as diminishing the importance of the first stage, which in any event may be going away, almost entirely.

What was common to the two long single marriages was the belief that both had moved seamlessly through all three stages, coupled with a belief that the temptations inevitable during a long-term relationship were not attractive enough to warrant change.

So what, if any value, is there in these observations?

One, more research on the subject might shed more light on what is really going on out there and why.

Two, whatever research may reveal, and whatever value that might add to modern society, it certainly cannot hurt to share this kind of common sense with ones' grandchildren and great grandchildren!

For better or for worse!

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Mark Buehrle's Family Staying Behind For Dog Slater Due To Ontario's Pit Bull Ban

Toronto Blue Jays starting pitcher Mark Buehrle warms up during baseball spring training in Dunedin, Fla., Monday, Feb. 11, 2013. (AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Nathan Denette)

DUNEDIN, Fla. -- Mark Buehrle won't be experiencing the dog days of summer.

While the pitcher is headed to Toronto, his family will split the season between Broward County in Florida and their home in St. Louis. One of their four dogs, Slater, is a mix of bulldog and American Staffordshire Terrier – which is of pit bull lineage. Pit bulls are banned in the province of Ontario.

"He's an awesome dog," Buehrle said Saturday. "That's what's a shame; just the way he looks is why we have to get separated."

Sent to Toronto as part of the Miami Marlins' payroll purge, Buehrle had a few options. He could have left Slater with friends or placed him in a kennel. The Buehrle family also could have moved to Buffalo or somewhere else on the U.S. side of the border, forcing the pitcher to commute 90 minutes each way to Toronto.

Buehrle's wife, Jamie, 5-year-old Braden and 3-year-old daughter Brooklyn will spend time with the 33-year-old left-hander during spring training, as will Slater and their three vizslas.

"It's something we're going to deal with," Buehrle said. "It's going to be tough at the beginning, not seeing your kids, but people deal with it and we'll make it work."

Buehrle concluded responsible pet owners should not delegate to others the task of caring for a dog. And he said he wouldn't break a law by taking a dog where it is prohibited.

"We've had people say, `Oh, you can bring them up here. Knowing you have money, no one's going to take your dog because they know you're going to fight against it,'" Buehrle said. "But the thing is, Slater will have to sit in a cage until that court date gets there, and that could be two weeks, it could be three months. If people don't own dogs, they're not going to understand you're leaving your family and your kids behind over a dog."

Buehrle said his family will travel to Toronto for occasional visits.

"It's not like we're not going to see each other," he said. "But we just feel like with all the training and all the stuff that we've done with the dogs, it's better that they stay with my wife."

After going 161-119 during 12 seasons with the Chicago White Sox, Buehrle agreed in December 2011 to a $58 million, four-year contract with the Marlins. The team went on a spending spree as it prepared to move into a new ballpark, but a terrible season caused owner Jeffrey Loria to shed stars.

Buehrle was traded in November along with shortstop Jose Reyes, right-hander Josh Johnson, catcher John Buck and outfielder Emilio Bonifacio to the Blue Jays.

None of the Marlins' players had contractual provisions allowing them to block trades. Buehrle issued a statement in November, saying "I was lied to on multiple occasions" by the Marlins.

"I let it be known how I felt, and I wasn't happy," he said. "I felt like we took a leap of faith there, coming there without a no-trade clause, and we felt like we'd be there a long time."

Buehrle said Marlins President David Samson reached out to him.

"I had nothing to say. I told them I wasn't in much of a mood, and that they wouldn't like to hear what I had to say," Buehrle explained. "I didn't have much interest in talking to them, and I don't have any plans now to ever talk to them again."

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Linden Schaffer: 5 Tips for Staying Well During Hibernation Season

Linden Schaffer: 5 Tips for Staying Well During Hibernation Season HPFB.init();
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Loading... iPhone app iPad app Android phone app Android tablet app More Log in Create Account Notifications Profile Settings Logout #topnav_margin_btm { margin:0 !important } February 9, 2013 Edition: U.S. CA Canada FR France IT Italia ES España US United States UK United Kingdom FRONT PAGE Women Ads Suggest You Need To Be More 'Fresh' If You Want To Get Laid439 The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week This App Lets You Review Men Like Restaurants53 10 Ways Stress May Be Negatively Affecting Your Health 5 Things I Learned From Hillary Clinton20 Go to Women More in Women Love & Sex Career & Money Women's Health You might also like Style Weddings Divorce Parents Healthy Living Black Voices Latino Voices Taste Valentine's Day Aphrodisiac Recipes18 9 Mousse Recipes For Valentine's Day 15 Ways To Cook With Breakfast Sausage Editor's Guilty Pleasure Confession: McDonald's Hash Browns13 How To Drink Gracefully On Valentine's Day Go to Taste More in Taste Recipes Baking Entertaining Healthy Eating Taste Tests Thanksgiving You might also like Food Healthy Living Travel OWN Good News LOOK: The World's Most Awesome Sheepdogs12 12 Dogs Who Can Teach You How To Derpy LOOK: Hero Dog Saves Puppy From Coyote WATCH: High School Robotics Team Saves Kitten From Death24 Dog Faces Off Against Snowblower Go to Good News You might also like GPS for the Soul Weird News Comedy Impact Green Healthy Living Comedy Books Arts Parents PHOTO: OB-GYN Posts Controversial Remark About Patient On Facebook 755 LOOK: 6-Year-Old's Love Note To Mom Is Adorable36 LOOK: Children's Books At London Store Stir Twitter Controversy292 'I Did Not Eat The Sprinkles'213 Parents Magazine Names 10 Best Children's Hospitals In U.S. Go to Parents More in Parents Parentry Moms Dads Screen Sense You might also like Education Food Taste Arts Teen Post 50 Style Kate Upton Scores Her Second Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover!338 New Survey Discovers What Singles Care Most About Appearance628 See The First Photo Of Gisele And Tom Brady's Daugher!46 The Abominable Snowman And More Fashion Fails This Week16 PHOTOS: Kate Middleton's Burlesque Dancer Cousin Defends Topless Photos21 Go to Style More in Style The Beauty Page Fashion Trends Celebrity Style You might also like Home Women Parents Weddings Travel Divorce Post 50 Post 50 New Study May Change How You Feel About Mammograms83 WATCH: Inspirational 97-Year-Old Breaks Track Record!24 Older Bikers More Likely To Be Seriously Injured In Crashes Americans Have No Idea What Happens In Retirement11 Baby Boomers In Worse Health Than Previous Generation, Says Study Go to Post 50 More in Post 50 Reinvention Retirement Parenting Post50 Health Post50 Love Post50 You might also like Parents GPS for the Soul Women Money Healthy Living Religion Westboro Baptist Church Speaks On Phelps Daughters' Defections818 Lutheran Pastor Apologizes For Praying At Newtown Vigil1k ACLU Seeks Removal Of Ohio School's Jesus Portrait3k 'It Is Good To Be With So Many Friends United In Prayer'879 Christian Employee Quits Over Mark Of The Beast On Tax Form205 Go to Religion More in Religion Buddhism Christianity Hinduism Islam Judaism You might also like Arts World Healthy Living Impact GPS for the Soul Weddings 7 Celebrity Husbands Who Took Their Wives' Last Names507 LOOK: The Most Detailed Disney Wedding Ever60 The Longest Married Couple In The U.S. Is...148 PHOTOS: The Cutest Wedding Guests Ever11 LOOK: Kim Kardashian Makes Bold Style Statement126 Go to Weddings More in Weddings Planning 101 Etiquette and Advice Indiebride Honeymoons Destination Weddings Weddings 2.0 After the Wedding You might also like Style Travel Food Divorce In-N-Out Heiress's $$$ Child Support Payment237 Losing It?125 Russell Brand: Marriage To Katy Perry Was 'Brilliant'65 6 Celebs Who Suck At Dating 20 Activities That Reduce Divorce Stress Go to Divorce More in Divorce Celebrity Divorce Parenting Dating Divorce Laws Divorce Stats Divorce Advice You might also like Healthy Living Travel Women Recipes LIVE Next Suing The Students Next Terrorist Tweets Later School Lockdown Drills Later Most Stressed Generation Later Sweet Treats For V-Day Go to HuffPost Live ALL SECTIONS NewsPoliticsWorldBusinessSmall BusinessMoneyMediaSportsEducationCrimeWeird NewsGood NewsEntertainmentEntertainmentCelebrityComedyArts & CultureBooksTVMoviefoneLife & StyleHealthy LivingGPS for the SoulStyleHomeFoodTaste WeddingsTravelParentsDivorceHuff/Post 50Marlo ThomasOWNTech & ScienceTechScienceGreenTEDWeekendsTechCrunchEngadgetTUAWJoystiqVoicesWomenBlack VoicesLatino VoicesVoces (en español)Gay VoicesReligionCollegeTeenImpactLocalChicagoDCDenverDetroitMiamiNew YorkLos AngelesSan FranciscoPatch.comMapquestOur Mobile Apps iPhoneiPadHuffPost Live iPadAndroid PhoneAndroid Tablet Healthy LivingHealth and FitnessGPS for the SoulHealth NewsSleepGeneration WhyHealthy Living VideosHoroscopesWinter Health
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Linden SchafferDirector, Pravassa

GET UPDATES FROM Linden Schaffer   Like 8 5 Tips for Staying Well During Hibernation Season Posted: 02/09/2013 1:20 am Follow   Happiness ,   Sleep ,   Wellness , Tea Health Benefits , Emotional Wellness , Flu Season , Hibernation , How To Fight Winter Blues , Wellness Tips , Winter Blues , Winter Health , Winter Health Tips , Winter Wellness , Healthy Living News
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In the cold-weather months when daylight wanes and snowflakes and blustery weather keep you indoors, you should not sacrifice your health and well-being just because you feel the familiar tug of hibernation. While hibernation is an essential part of some animals' survival strategy, you can stave off the feelings of the winter blues and keep your spirits high by taking care of your body with a few simple wellness tips.

1) Sleep Longer -- Honor your circadian rhythm, which responds to your environment's light and darkness. In the wintertime when the sun sets around 6 p.m., use this as a reminder to wind down. Leave your work at the office, keep the lights in your home dim and give into those feelings of sleepiness. Creating a sanctuary of calm in your bedroom with cozy blankets and your favorite pillow will have you dreaming in no time.

2) Sip Tea -- Chamomile, Earl Grey, oolong, the list goes on, as do the benefits. Want to stay warm and prevent the flu this season? Stock up on green tea. Improve your antioxidants and reduce your risk of coronary heart disease by drinking three cups of black tea a day. In the UK, the Tea Advisory Panel commissioned a study that concluded that tea is just as hydrating as water. So no matter your favorite flavor, put the kettle on and warm your hand around a mug.

3) Add Spice -- If tucking into comfort food is the first thing you like to do at the hint of cold weather, considering adding some spices to your recipes. Cilantro is an important spice in the ayurvedic diet, and is used as a medicinal herb to aid digestion. Dr. Michael Murray, a natural medicine doctor and author of The Encyclopedia of Healing Foods, suggests trying nutmeg, which may encourage sleep by mirroring the effect of serotonin. Combat your irritable mood or low-level depression by sprinkling turmeric in your dish for a quick pick-me-up.

4) Take a Steam -- If the idea of heading to the beach makes you feel instantly relaxed but you just can't get away, head into a sauna or steam room this winter instead. While sweating it out in a heated room has not shown any medical benefits to the body, the de-stressing and relaxation effects may be just what your body ordered.

5) Curl Up With a Book -- Have you been meaning to catch up on the classics, or did you buy a beach read that sat in your bag on the sand? Substitute a night of TV watching to focus instead on sharpening your memory and concentration with a literary romp. You might be surprised to learn that cracking open that hardcover may even make you smarter by expanding your vocabulary and cultural sensitivity.

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