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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Mark Brennan Rosenberg: Straight for a Day

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Mark Brennan RosenbergAuthor, 'Blackouts and Breakdowns', 'Eating My Feelings'

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Since being gay is a choice, I decided when I woke up today I would be straight. Here's what happened.

8 am: I wake up. My alarm clock is blaring "Toxic" by Britney Spears and I quickly turn it off. Yesterday, when I was a homosexual, I most likely would have enjoyed such music, but today I'd prefer sleeping with Britney Spears than actually listening to anything she has to say or sing.

8:15 am: I pour myself a cup of coffee and go into my bathroom to prepare for my day. I take a peep around the medicine cabinet and notice that there seem to be an endless amount of hair products, body lotion, fragrances and a big bottle of something called "gun oil." I have no idea what to do with any of these products so I splash some water on my face, run my fingers through my hair and I am ready to go.

8:23 am: After conquering the bathroom, I walk into my kitchen to find something to eat for breakfast. I search the refrigerator for something edible, but all I can find is non-fat yogurt, egg whites and whole-wheat English muffins. I skip breakfast; grab my gym bag and head out the door.

8:46 am: On the subway, I thumb through the New York Daily News to see what's going on in the world. Apparently, the lady from Hocus Pocus is doing some sort of one-woman show. This probably would have piqued my interest yesterday, when I was sleeping with guys, but today I am simply confused by it. I flip to the sports pages and instead of finding out who won the big game last night, I realize that football has been over for months and baseball still hasn't started yet. I suppose I could feign an interest in hockey, but even I don't care for that very much. It's a tough to be a straight guy these days.

9:04 am: I grab a donut and head into my office. As I walk by my co-workers, they stare at me as if I had come to work drunk. They're probably confused because today I am straight so I am not wearing a flashy tie or a pocket square. Instead, I am wearing the beat up suit I wore to my college graduation, socks that don't match and a shirt that had some sort of pink stain on it (possibly from my ill-fated attempt at making homemade blueberry muffins the other day, when I was gay.)

10:52 am: My lesbian sister calls. She asks why I am straight today and I ask her why she continues to think that homosexuality is genetic.

12:09 pm: My alleged "best bud" at work, a male homosexual named Pete comes into my office and asks if I want to have lunch at some place called "The Out Hotel." I opt not to and instead go to a sports bar. I eat a lunch that consists of chicken fingers and French fries. The bartender brings me a Diet Coke and I nearly lose my shit. Suddenly, I have lost the taste for artificial sweetener and almost lose my lunch. I try to find some highlight show to watch on TV but there's nothing going on except college basketball and while I may be straight today, even that bores the shit out of me.

1:23 pm: I'm back in my office and Pete comes in looking disheveled. When I ask him what happened in the past hour, he proceeds to tell me that we need to have "girl talk" later and exits my office. I wonder why two grown men would be speaking like girls and ignore Pete altogether.

2:32 pm: I start to notice the receptionist is a little bit more and go over to speak to her. Apparently her name is Robin, and when I ask her out on a date she asks me if we will be having flirtinis and going on a manhunt like the last time we went out. Apparently, I am going to have to change jobs if I am going to be straight because all of the women in the office and I seem to be lifelong friends and are not interested in me sexually.

5:01 pm: I head to the gym after work. Upon entering; I hear loud techno music and the only people I see around me are extremely well toned men. I begin to wonder if this gym serves champagne because I feel like I am in a club.

5:46 pm: As I am doing squats at the gym, a Latino gentleman named Tito comes over to me and asks me why I never called him back the other day. I tell him that I am straight today and he laughs in my face. He smacks my ass when he walks away and says something about how I was a firecracker in the bedroom. I feel alone and scared.

6:47 pm: I decide that since I am straight now, I will go to a singles bar to see if I can pick up a girl. I order a beer and stand in the corner and look around the room but all I see are couples -- everywhere. I ask the bartender if I am actually at a singles bar and he tells me that yes, I am but I have come late because happy hour is over in thirteen minutes and everyone has already paired up for the evening.

8:26 pm: I get home and decide to watch some TV, but the only things I have saved on my DVR are taped episodes of Revenge, Glee and The View. Apparently, straight me and gay me have very different taste in television so I opt to watch reruns of CSI because it's the only thing on my television that seems remotely entertaining, which isn't saying much.

10:09 pm: I brush my teeth and while I am, I notice the anti-wrinkle cream in my cabinet. I wonder why I would ever need that and close the vanity after I am done washing up.

10:15 pm: I lie in my bed and pray that when I wake up tomorrow, I will want to be gay again. Being straight is tough and I wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemy.

This Blogger's Books from

Blackouts and Breakdowns
by Mark Brennan Rosenberg

Eating My Feelings: Tales of Overeating, Underperforming, and Coping with My Crazy Family
by Mark Rosenberg

Follow Mark Brennan Rosenberg on Twitter:www.twitter.com/markbrosenberg

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Sunday, May 26, 2013

Heat Win Franchise Record 15th Straight Game: Wade, LeBron Lead Miami Past Minnesota, 97-81 (VIDEO)

Miami Heat's LeBron James is shown in the first half of an NBA basketball game against Minnesota Timberwolves' Minnesota Timberwolves' Mikael Gelabale of France Monday, March 4, 2013, in Minneapolis. (AP Photo/Jim Mone)

MINNEAPOLIS -- Alonzo Mourning never did it. Shaquille O'Neal didn't, either. Even Dwyane Wade had never won 15 games in a row as a member of the Miami Heat.

The Heat have had their fair share of stars come through South Beach over the last 25 years, none of them as bright as LeBron James.

Wade had 32 points, 10 assists and seven rebounds, James shrugged off a sore left knee to score 20 points and grab 10 rebounds, and the Heat earned their franchise-record 15th straight victory with a 97-81 win over the Minnesota Timberwolves on Monday night.

"Any time you get an opportunity set a record, it's great for the organization and the guys involved," James said. "But we want to keep going. We want to keep winning each game by itself. We don't talk about the streak, we just go to the next game and play it out. We look forward to the next one."

Chris Bosh added 11 points and nine rebounds, and James played 35 minutes despite being listed as a game-time decision with a twisted left knee.

Derrick Williams had 25 points and 10 rebounds and Ricky Rubio had 14 points, eight assists, six steals and five rebounds for the Timberwolves. J.J. Barea had four points on 1-for-11 shooting and was ejected in the fourth quarter after getting a Flagrant-2 foul for a hit on Heat guard Ray Allen.

Minnesota was down six points with eight minutes to play when Barea was ejected. The Heat then went on a 17-5 run to put away the game.

Officials initially ruled it a Flagrant 1, but changed the call upon reviewing it, eliciting strong protests from Barea and Wolves coach Rick Adelman, who also picked up a technical foul. Adelman was furious after the game, alluding to an incident two weeks ago against Golden State in which Wolves center Greg Stiemsma was hit in the chest by a forearm shiver from Jarrett Jack, but was given a Flagrant-1 and allowed to keep playing.

"I just have one question I want to ask the league," Adelman said. "Why is that a Flagrant-2 foul tonight and the other night Jarrett Jack hit Stiemsma in the stomach with a forearm that that was a Flagrant 1? I would just like to know the difference. That changed the whole game."

Allen immediately got up from the foul and rushed at Barea, but players from both sides stepped in and broke up the confrontation.

"It just came out of nowhere," Allen said. "I was dribbling down the floor, it was a play where he kind of chucked me a little bit and knocked the ball away. I got it back and drove and he just leveled me. I thought it was uncalled for. There's no place for that in this game."

Barea was jawing at Allen as he left the court and said he expected the league to change the call on Tuesday.

"I've been playing in the NBA for seven years," Barea said. "I get hit harder than that every night. I don't get up crying and want to fight."

The Heat outscored Minnesota 58-32 in the paint, amassing 24 dunks or layups out of 38 total field goals.

The Heat had every reason to sit James down in this one, and the runaway favorite for MVP wouldn't have been blamed. The Heat were playing the second game of a road back-to-back, coming off a stirring victory over New York and playing an undermanned opponent that had lost 21 of its last 25 games.

Maybe in the past, James would have. But not this year. He's reached a different level, one that no one has been able to compete with, whether he is completely healthy or not. He knows more is expected of him, and he is delivering every single night.

"His leg would probably have to fall off for him to miss a game," Bosh said.

James tweaked his knee in the third quarter against New York on Sunday when he landed awkwardly while chasing down a lob pass. That didn't stop him from scoring 12 points and swatting Tyson Chandler in the fourth quarter to lead the Heat to their first win of the season over the Knicks, an important victory for the defending champions to assert themselves in the Eastern Conference.

His knee was examined once the team arrived in Minnesota and no serious damage was found. The Timberwolves had a faint glimmer of hope when James was nowhere to be found when the Heat took the floor about 15 minutes before tipoff. But he came jogging out a few minutes later, then continued his recent pregame routine of throwing down monster dunks to get that knee loosened up and ready to roll.

"My knee responded well from that fall yesterday," James said. "I'm blessed. It's nothing really, a little jam when I landed on the floor."

The dunking display kept right on going after the opening tip. Without big Nikola Pekovic (abdominal strain) roaming the paint, the Heat relentlessly attacked the rim. Their first seven field goals came on dunks or layups, as did 15 of their 20 buckets in the first half.

The Wolves made a mini-run, pulling to 76-70 before the Barea-Allen confrontation, and the Heat pulled away after that.

It's not as if the Heat have been feasting on cupcakes during their record streak. They've taken down the Clippers, Lakers, Rockets, Thunder, Bulls, Grizzlies and Knicks, almost all of them in convincing fashion.

The message is being delivered. This is their time. This is LeBron's league.

You want the title? Come and get it.

NOTES: The Timberwolves were also missing F Andrei Kirilenko (calf) for the third straight game. ... The Heat turned the ball over 24 times and were just 5 for 21 from 3-point range. ... Heat C Chris Andersen sparked the team in the second quarter and finished with six points and seven boards. ... Heat F Shane Battier played under Adelman in Houston. "One of my favorite players I've ever had," Adelman said. ... Baltimore Ravens LB Terrell Suggs, who started high school in St. Paul, sat courtside for the game wearing a Heat cap.

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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Andy Cohen, Bravo TV Host, On Gay Fans And The Woman Who Could Turn Him Straight

Bravo TV's out and proud host Andy Cohen reveals the one woman that could make him switch teams in a new interview with GQ magazine.

“Jenny McCarthy was the one I thought could turn me straight," Cohen, 44, tells the magazine's Daniel Riley. I thought that if I could just get my shot with her, it could happen.”

Cohen's admission follows that of pal Anderson Cooper, who joked about dating girls as a teenager while "hoping to meet their brothers."

The mogul behind the "Real Housewives" franchises doesn't stop there, of course. He also takes time to discuss his seemingly unlikely straight male fanbase:

“Yesterday, for example, I volunteered at Cantor Fitzgerald, did this 9/11 charity day. And I walked onto the trading floor, which is like being in the locker room of a football team or something—there’s a lot of testosterone. And every one of those guys knew who I was and had watched my show. I said this the other night on the show; I basically spoke directly to the straight men. ‘I know you’re watching. I met you on my book tour. You come up to me everywhere I go. And I’ve figured out why you like me: I show a bunch of boobs and asses and good-looking women. I get your wives and girlfriends playing drinking games. I get ’em wound up, I get ’em drunk, and just when they’re at the point where… I’m off the air.’”

Check out the full interview with Andy Cohen here.

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Friday, January 18, 2013

Cher And Her Signature Shiny, Straight Hair (PHOTO)

Like many of today's rebellious pop stars, Cher has established a huge following for being a fashion daredevil. The music icon's sultry alto voice is just as bold as her over-the-top stage costumes. She has dominated every decade since the '70s in sequins, sheer catsuits, elaborate headpieces and colorful wigs that would even make Nicki Minaj blush.

In this portrait for Kapp Records (circa 1972), Cher strips down to her signature pin-straight hairstyle. The "If I Could Turn Back Time" singer's long and shiny strands cover her naked body like a warm faux fur. Cher's lustrous locks are easily achievable (even in the thick of winter) with the weekly use of a deep conditioner to hydrate and smooth dry hair, as well as, applying a heat protectant to guard against breakage and add shine when using a blowdryer or flat iron.

Perfectly arched brows, subtle smokey eye makeup and lush fake eyelashes add the finishing touches to this beauty look. Even without the outlandish attire, Cher still manages to look stunning. Don't you agree?

Photo: Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

Shop the look and check out more from our A Look Back archives:

Art by Raydene SalinasTed Gibson Tame It Shine lotion, Chi flat iron, L'Oreal One Sweep eyeshadow, Sephora Collection Flutter false eyelashes, CoverGirl LashBlash Volume mascara.

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Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Why One Straight Actor Still Feels Uncomfortable Playing Gay

The effect of multiple strangers asking you to take off your clothes is uncomfortably intimate—like walking around a doctor's office with a glass of your own urine.

That's what I'm thinking when, for the third time in a day, a woman asks me: "So, you are comfortable taking your shirt off?"

I nod and hand her a headshot.

Read the whole story at The Atlantic

View the original article here

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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Mark Brennan Rosenberg: Straight for a Day

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Heat Win Franchise Record 15th Straight Game: Wade, LeBron Lead Miami Past Minnesota, 97-81 (VIDEO)

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Andy Cohen, Bravo TV Host, On Gay Fans And The Woman Who Could Turn Him Straight

Friday, January 18, 2013

Cher And Her Signature Shiny, Straight Hair (PHOTO)

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Why One Straight Actor Still Feels Uncomfortable Playing Gay

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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Mark Brennan Rosenberg: Straight for a Day

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Heat Win Franchise Record 15th Straight Game: Wade, LeBron Lead Miami Past Minnesota, 97-81 (VIDEO)

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Andy Cohen, Bravo TV Host, On Gay Fans And The Woman Who Could Turn Him Straight

Friday, January 18, 2013

Cher And Her Signature Shiny, Straight Hair (PHOTO)

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Why One Straight Actor Still Feels Uncomfortable Playing Gay

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